try to focus on the good stuff

The depression is coming back. I'm low a lot of the time anyway, but this is the bad stuff. I have to fight it. I have to do the cbt exercises and try to keep it at bay.

Recent high points:

• Sean and I went to see John Scofield in concert on Thursday night last week. It was nice. Scofield is a guitarist who plays blues and jazz and this concert was a tribute to Ray Charles. There were two singers, both excellent.
• I'm enjoying the book I'm reading, the sequel to The Sparrow. It's called Children of God.
• I have a new, pale blue cashmere sweater that I ordered. It was $100 which is not bad for 100% cashmere. I also have some other new clothes I got when we stopped at an Old Navy on our drive back from Sonoma.
• Sean says he is open to us moving to Sacramento instead of Sonoma. This would be a relief to me as the commute I'd be doing if we lived by Sonoma worries me. Sacramento is attractive also because his sister and her husband live there and we'd probably have an easier time making friends. But I feel sad that he's giving up the program at Sonoma, which really suits him the best. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to be selfish. Of course, he doesn't want to be selfish either so that's why he's saying we can go to Sac.
• He and I are getting along a lot better. We were having a lot of arguments for a while there and we've become more conscious of how we're doing and we're trying to appreciate each other more and not be short-tempered or defensive.
• I ordered a rice-cooker which should be coming in the mail soon.
• I used my new hand-blender to make butternut squash soup for the first time the other night.
• I seem to be totally over my cold.
• We have new cell phones. That's very fun. They take pictures.
• I wrote a story for my creative writing class and the class commented on it and they liked it. It isn't finished, but I have ideas for where to go with it.
• I sent off my application materials to Project Pipeline, and two of the three people I contacted for recommendation letters have said they'll do it.
• We've totally integrated the dog and the cats--we all sleep up on the mezzanine together now. Plus, the mezzanine is a lot warmer than the bedroom we used to sleep in, so I don’t feel like we’re going to die of exposure when the snow hits anymore. Although we still need to buy a cord of wood.
• They’ve brought back Bianca, the gay character, on All My Children.
• I like most of the people I work with. A couple in particular are a lot of fun. And I enjoy taking to customers when I’m on the register. I feel less lonely and isolated after a day or two of work.
• I’ve been sticking to many of my food resolutions. I haven’t had any meat in some time. It’s actually probably time for me to eat some fish, I may be low on protein.
• Sean and I discovered vegetarian sloppy joes. I guess sloppy joes were his favorite food growing up, so this makes him very happy. They are good, and it’s nice to have another item to add to the list of things we can have for dinner.
• It’s October 17 today, so that means if we move around January 1, we have only two and a half more months until we start the next phase of our lives. I am looking forward to this. I really miss teaching, and I think once I’m working as a teacher again I’ll have an easier time feeling good. Teaching makes me feel good. It might help to try to find a way to do some kind of teaching in the mean time… dunno where or how. Actually, I decided yesterday that it would help a lot if I got some work done on my thesis. Tomorrow I have a lot of time, so here’s my goal:

Spend two hours working on the thesis, chapter 3.